Being born fortunate, I grew up in a really good environment. My parents has always believed in the importance in good education and because of this I was sent to a private school for my primary and secondary education. The friends that I made at that had similar family background like me and because of this most of the people I mixed knew clearly what they wanted to achieve in their lives and for those who don't which were just a few, were fortunate enough to be sent to good colleges as they figure out what they really wanted to do with their lives.
Growing up in this environment, I have always thought that it was common for people to know what they want in life and even if they do not know what they wanted in life, their parents will somehow support and mould them to know. I was really oblivious with the real world, up until I came out from high school.
After I graduated from high school, unlike most of my classmates who continued their studies aboard, I stayed back in Malaysia to continue my tertiary education. It wasn't because my parents couldn't afford or didn't allow me to, I personally felt like I wasn't ready to leave home just yet. I have to admit, choosing to continue studying in Malaysia may not be one of the best decision for my education but it was one of best decision I made for my life.
By staying back in Malaysia, I had the opportunity to meet people with all sorts of family background and this really helped me to open my eyes about life. I got to know people whose parents were not able to support them to continue their studies after high school. I got to know people who had to not only support themselves through college but also their family. I also got to know people who really didn't know what they wanted to do with their life. Not because they don't want to know. But because they couldn't afford to dream big and unlike me, they weren't lucky enough to be taught or exposed to stuff that teaches them to strive. The sad thing was they grew up being taught to live just to get through the day. Because of people like them, I always feel blessed and grateful of my life and to have my parents, my family and friends. Also because of people like them, I always tell myself to not strive and not give up in life.
However, it is always easier said than done. Unlike some people who was lucky enough to always know what they wanted to do in their lives, I only figured what I wanted to be just last year after I graduated from my bachelors. At that time, I was so damn sure that was what I wanted and finally decided to move to the other side of the planet to achieve it. However, along the way, I have to admit that I started to slowly lose motivation and direction to achieve this goal. Despite being so clear before, as life started to throw me all sorts of shit and I started to doubt myself whether it was even possible to do this.
It has been seven months since I moved here to the United States and this month has by far been the worst month. Despite already starting to lose hope and motivation to achieve my goal, life decided to throw me more shit in my face this month. It really has been a shitty month with one problem and another and honestly, giving up was all I thought all month. Regardless of how optimistic I try to be, I just ended up pulling myself down again because that was just easier than pulling myself up.
But then, everything changed after having a conversation with my elder cousin last night. He reminded me that despite all the shit life throws at you and all the negative feeling that you are feeling right at this moment, was all temporary. He told me that your life will become how you want it to be. Most importantly, he reminded me to remember my dream and remember why I was striving for. Despite being miles away from home, he reminded me I was loved and missed and because of that one simple conversation, I felt lighter, happier and motivated.
The whole point of this long post, is to remind you guys out there who are feeling demotivated and the future demotivated me that we have dreams! It's normal to feel like the whole world is falling apart while trying to achieve what your dreams. You will most probably will feel like it is shittiest time of your life but no matter how much you want to take the easier route and just give up, DON'T! It is okay to cry your eye balls out and feel like that's nothing more to look forward in life but never never give up and remember that this is all TEMPORARY.
Just make sure not to stay in the negative phase for too long. Like my cousin said, it's exactly like running, if you stop running, it's difficult to regain back the momentum to start back, like how it is difficult to be positive back again, if you drown yourself too long in negativity. Take your time and I know when you are feeling so much negativity, mixing with positive people is the last thing on your mind. When you are ready, talk to your friends and family, people who are close to you. They will remind you why you have decided to do this, in the first place. Really, all it takes is just one person to remind you why you are living.
Yeoh Eening
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