At the beginning of this year, I completed what I would call a huge milestone in my life. Three years just went pass by in a blink of an eye and there I was done with my degree. Ever since in my high school years, I always wanted to pursue my studies in overseas because you know, it would be a great experience and all. So, after high school I did my foundation and then my degree locally cause I thought four years would be such a long period to leave home. Then there I was, done with my degree. I told myself, it's now or never to go overseas.
Did some research on what I wanted to pursue because I did graduate form Bachelor of Mass Communications majoring in both Public Relations and Event Management. PR is really not my forte but events was what I really want to do with my life. Events is something I love doing and I think I am pretty good at it. But, I did not want to spend my life organising not just any type of events. I wanted to organise music events and I was damn sure about it. There and then, I decided to apply for masters to study the music industry. I told myself, I have the basic knowledge of organising events and all I need now is knowledge on the music industry.
My knowledge about the music industry can be described as near to zero. Yeah, I listen to music almost 3/4 of my days everyday and yeah, I love music and I cannot imagine what life would be if music did not exist. But, my experiences with music are just merely me listening to music and going to concerts and nothing further than that. I do not play an instrument. Well, I did learnt how to play the piano when I was twelve but I barely remember anything now besides do, re, mi, fa, so. Plus, I am not much of a news reader so yeah my general knowledge of whats happening not just in the music industry, but everything around me is pretty low. Even so, I still applied and managed to get in somehow (haha).
I applied for Masters of Arts in Music industry Administration in a university called California State University Northridge. The course outline described all the things that I was interested in learning about the music industry. So, I applied and somehow managed to get in and my wish to pursue my studies in overseas is finally came true. Then again, time past by so fast and it was time to finally leave my homeland and go to the United States and live the California Dream.
Here I am now, in California. It has been twelve days since I left home. I am not going to pretend to be strong and lie that I am fine and alright because I am honestly scared as hell. Compared to many people, I was lucky enough to have my parents accompany me down here. So, for a week and half, I never felt that home sick, sad or scared because when I looked left, right, up or down, my parents were always there to help me in every way and they were my 'home'. Things finally hit me when I finally had to bid farewell to my parents. At that moment, I finally felt what homesick actually feels like.
California has approximately 38 million population and in the county that I am living in has over 57 thousand people and here I am still feeling lonely. I look left and I look right. I see all these people that I do not know of and who also do not know me. The feeling is foreign to me and it's scary because I never felt this way before. Back at home, no matter what sort of new environment I get myself into, whether it's a new school or a new class, I knew that I still get to go back to the people I know of. But it's different over here. There's really no where I could go to that I am familiar of.
Like the whole new environment is not scary enough. I went for my first class and it made me feel worst. Yeah, I was damn sure I wanted to go into the music industry. Take note of the word 'was damn sure'. But, after my first class and after going through my first module's outline, I started questioning myself, are you sure that you want to do this? Firstly, I am damn hell intimidated by my course mates. I would like to say that my course mates are much more 'experienced' than me. In terms of everything, really. Experience equals knowledge which made me feel like dumbass in class. But that was already something I predicted that I would feel like when I applied for this course. Secondly, the requirement to pass for just the first module of this course is 70%. Means I have to get 70% and above to actually PASS this module. If I do not, I would have to go through probation and have the possibility of getting kicked out from the course. This scared the crap the hell out of me. I am not saying I do not have confidence in myself but I never had the pressure to have to get 70% to pass. So yeah, it's damn hell scary. Plus everything is all so new to me. Honestly saying, attempting to get a 70% would be a challenge for me with all my disadvantages. Thirdly, I am scared as of how much my professor emphasises the importance of networking. In orientation itself, all the speakers that night went on and on about the importance of networking in this industry and that for this course, studying is not enough. Being hardworking or studying hard or smart is NOT ENOUGH. In order to sustain in this course and in this industry, we have to network. I mean, I am not denying that it's not true because I know it's true but it's scary for me. Because, networking is really not my forte even back at home. It's even worst in this new environment. So yeah, it's scary that in order achieve my career goal, I have to want to do something I do not really like and worst something I am not good at all.
Yeah, everything right now is really scary for me. But that's life. I have to suck it up and deal with it if I would want to achieve what I want to achieve in life. But it's easier said than done :( I think I would be alright. I am seriously grateful of the support I get from all the people that love me (you guys know who you are). Yeah we are thousand miles away from each other, but I know that I would always have their support no matter what and honestly, that's what that has been keeping me going. I just have to deal with things, one step at a time.
Yeoh Eening
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