Lonely .

So, yesterday was my mother's birthday and I was rather having a good day. I got up, had my breakfast, went to the library to do some reading and went to the gym to get some exercise done. I was in a damn good mood maybe cause it has been long since I have been that productive and it was good kind of productive. It's that kind of day that you can pat yourself on the back and say: hey, you did a hell of a good job today!

Then, it was time for bed and I quickly got up on my comfy bed. You got to admit, the moment when you lie down on the bed before falling sleeping is one of best moments in a day. Then there I was on my bed staring at my four white concrete walls. Despite my computer making noises from playing the drama series of 90210, (which I am watching now btw. Thought I should watch it caused since I am living in California and all :3) I still feel like everything was so silent and empty. I was thinking back at home, my family is probably celebrating my mother's birthday with dinner and cake and how I would buy pink lilies for her because she loves it so much. But, I am not there. I am here, in my pyjamas on my bed alone.

Despite of how good my day was, I still felt sad and lonely. Which made me wonder this whole morning, do I actually know what lonely mean? Because I got to admit, I don't think have ever genuinely felt lonely before. If you know me, I love to Google. Who doesn't right? So, I googled the meaning of 'lonely' and according to Oxford online Dictionary, the word 'lonely' is defined as the feeling of sad as one has no friends or company. Which made me question myself, am I genuinely feeling lonely? Yes, I felt sad. Do I have no friends? Hell no. In fact, I have many friends whom are amazing. As for company, I don't exactly have any tangible company at the moment, but I still have virtual company from my family, boyfriend and best friends.

So, I came to a conclusion that the feeling I felt last night was not lonely. Yeah, I felt sad and alone. But, I am not lonely. I just really miss everyone back home :( I think the exact term (Of course, thanks to Google again) of what I felt last night and I still do now and will always feel is Saudade. According to wikipedia, Saudade is a Portugese word that basically means a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves.

I'm just gonna cut all these fancy word and shiz and say that I really miss you guys back home and wish I could just magically teleport myself back to Malaysia to spend time with you all :P

Yeoh Eening